Spouses alike?

Have you ever stopped to take stock of the similarities between you and your spouse? Do you think you are more similar now than when you just got married. What makes spouses alike? Lack of democracy in the marriage? The need for validation and acceptance?

I believe I am a very different person now than I was several years ago. In some cases, a better person. I am much calmer, more patient, more confident, tougher and more tolerant. These are all attributes my husband possessed and still possesses. I wonder all the time how the neat freak, maddening perfectionist, amazingly active, nail biting nervous wreck changed to a mostly random, but calm slob.

I have often heard the phrase "Grow on each other" and I always imagine wild mushrooms on moist trees. What it actually implies is that you start behaving, talking, reacting and even dressing like each other. It could be the time we spend together as spouse doing the same things and going through experiences together.

Rummaging through the world wide web, I came across numerous articles and studies that conclude that we "select" partners with traits and characteristics that we cherish and possess. Hallmarks of the study were that "Spouses are more similar than random people" and "Spousal similarity is better explained by selection than gradual convergence. "

The conclusion of these studies is slightly surprising. This manner of selection is counter intuitive. Given that one of the primary motivation of finding partners is to produce offspring, I would think we would want to complement our characteristics with that of our spouse. An intersecting study to determine the subjects' self esteem and how highly they regard themselves would have been interesting.